Why You Think You're Bad With Money (and why you’re not)
By Rachel O’Connor, Certified Financial Planner®
"I'm sh*t with money."
I hear this so often during my first call with women reaching out to work with us.
It doesn't seem to matter what state their finances are in. I've heard it from women who are financially well above average, and from women who are genuinely in a bit of a mess.
Either way, they're convinced they're bad with money.
There is even a name for it now: money dysmorphia, feeling broke or behind no matter what the numbers actually say. It's far more common than you'd think, and it has surprisingly little to do with money.
The financial confidence gap
If you feel like everyone else has this sorted and you're the only one flailing, the numbers tell a different story.
In one study, just 24% of Australian women felt confident about their financial situation, compared with 49% of men. That means more than three-quarters of women said they were not confident.
And the youngest women carry more of it than the youngest men. Gen Z women, aged 18 to 26, are more likely than Gen Z men to feel overwhelmed by money. (54% versus 41%).
And it gets grimmer after a relationship ends. In AMP's latest research, only 21% of separated or divorced women in their 40s felt financially confident about the future, compared with 50% of men in the same situation.
Confidence and competence are two very different things.
A big part of that gap is not about what women actually know. It is about how harshly they judge themselves.
In a study they called Fearless Woman, economists found that more than a third of the so-called knowledge gap between women and men was not about knowledge at all. It was confidence. Women were far more likely to answer a money question with "I don't know", yet when they were nudged to pick an answer anyway, they got it right. The knowledge was there. The belief in it was missing.
Where the feeling really comes from
For a lot of people, harsh self-judgement traces back to how money was handled around them long before they had to manage it themselves.
You may have grown up in a household where money was always tight or unstable, and you carry a quiet fear of losing what you’ve built, a sense that it could all disappear overnight. For someone else, money was simply never talked about growing up. No one showed you how any of it worked, so, as adults, you avoid it, leaving statements unopened and decisions on hold.
Financial psychologists Brad and Ted Klontz call these money scripts: the beliefs about money we absorb as kids and run on autopilot as adults, usually without realising. Their research, published in the Journal of Financial Planning, found these scripts drive our behaviour far more than logic or any amount of financial knowledge.
Comparison - a confidence killer
Money scripts are the part we inherit. Comparison is the part the modern world hands us, and it might be the bigger confidence killer of the two.
We live in a time where wealth and success are always on show. The renovated kitchen, the overseas trip, the finfluencer spruiking her six-figure passive income. Scroll for a few minutes and, consciously or not, you start measuring your money against everyone else's.
Around half of Australians say social media influences how they spend. One in five young Australians regularly stack their own finances up against the curated posts in their feed, and nearly four in ten Gen Z feel constant pressure to "achieve" financially.
Here is the problem. You are never comparing like for like. You see the holiday, not the credit card debt that paid for it. You see the house, not the inheritance that helped buy it. You get the highlight reel, never the behind-the-scenes.
That is why comparison and confidence cannot sit in the same room. Confidence comes from knowing your own numbers and your own plan. Comparison asks you to measure yourself against a story you can never fully see.
The reframe
When I get someone to explain why they feel sh*t with money, the same three answers come up again and again.
In all three cases, the belief is harsher than the truth. So let's flip the script.
"I feel out of control with my spending"
This one is usually a sign of being disconnected from longer-term goals, so the short-term impulse keeps winning out. The good news is that it is one of the easiest things to fix.
With clear goals to work towards, that impulse quietly loses its grip.
"I have no idea about investing or super"
This is not being bad with money. Investing and super are simply not your zone of genius, and they are not something most people were ever taught.
That is what a qualified financial adviser is for: the right questions, the knowledge, and a plan to invest with confidence.
"I think I'm doing everything right, but I feel left behind"
This one is sneaky. On paper, you are doing everything right: a budget, savings, money going into super and investments, the mortgage ticking down. Yet you cannot shake the nagging feeling that it is not enough. That feeling is comparison and old money scripts at work, not the facts.
The fix is rarely financial. It is about trusting the plan and letting go of a story that is no longer true.
Rebuild your money confidence
If "I'm sh*t with money" is something you have said out loud, on the phone, or just quietly to yourself, please know how common it is, and how rarely it is actually true.
We work with women across Sydney and Australia who are navigating the financial realities of life after divorce.
Book a complimentary chat with Rachel at flourixwealth.com.au/contact-us.
At Flourix Wealth, we specialise in helping women take charge of their financial lives. Our first conversation is complimentary, and it's designed to show you what's possible.
FAQs
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Because the feeling is often about confidence, not competence. Plenty of high earners feel hopeless with money while quietly doing everything right. The belief usually comes from comparison, a lack of clarity on the bigger picture, or an old money story from childhood, rather than anything you are actually doing wrong.
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No. Managing money is a skill set, not a fixed character trait. Most of us were never taught it properly, so not knowing something is normal, not a flaw. Like any skill, it can be learned, and the parts you do not want to learn can be handed to someone who already has the expertise.
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Australian women report much lower financial confidence than men, with one study finding only 24% felt confident compared with 49% of men. A large part of that gap is confidence rather than actual knowledge, which means many women judge themselves far more harshly than the facts warrant.
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Start by remembering that social media is a highlight reel, not a bank statement. Around half of Australians say social feeds influence their spending, and constant comparison fuels a feeling of being behind. Focusing on your own goals and progress, rather than someone else's curated version, takes most of the sting out of it.
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Money scripts are the unconscious beliefs about money we pick up in childhood and carry into adulthood. Coined by financial psychologists Brad and Ted Klontz, they shape how we save, spend and worry, often more powerfully than logic or knowledge. Recognising your own script is the first step to changing the behaviour it drives.
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Anyone can get better with money. Confidence and capability grow with the right information and support, the same way they would with fitness or cooking. Feeling hopeless usually reflects a lack of guidance, not a lack of ability. With a clear plan and someone in your corner, it shifts quickly.
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You do not need to have it figured out before you reach out. In fact, feeling overwhelmed is one of the most common reasons women book a first chat. A good adviser meets you where you are, with no judgement, and helps turn a vague sense of dread into a clear, manageable plan.
The information in this article is general advice only. It doesn't take into account your personal objectives, financial situation, or needs. Before making any financial decisions, you should consult a qualified financial adviser. Rachel O'Connor and Flourix Wealth Pty Ltd are authorised representatives of GPS Wealth Pty Ltd, AFSL 254544 | ABN 17 005 482 726.
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